Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy list of rider's phrases to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition, I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
“I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over........backward. You only have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"This is a no-drop ride" (at first when i read this one i thought it said this is a no DOPE ride : )
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
hi! my name is kristie and i do secret training (but i'm no sandbagger!).
much love and peace out!
OMG THIS IS FREAKING GREAT!!! I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteBDD, i thought of your last 3 posts when I saw this!! Isn't that funny?
ReplyDeleteThis is hysterical! My fav: "It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce."
ReplyDeleteOK-you are freaking hilarious. Not even a cyclist [yet] ;) and this is awesome!!
ReplyDeleteKristine, these are really funny. There are a bunch more here: http://www.bicyclesource.com/you/culture/humour/say-and-mean.shtml if you're interested. I wish there were more of these for triathlon, but I gues sthe sport hasn't been around long enough. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this! I will have to send it out to all my biker friends! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI am not a cyclist and yet this was so funny! I can picture certain people I know saying or thinking these things hahaha!! I like the weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce too!
ReplyDeleteI think most athletes are full of hooey when they act like they don't like to compete at all!
Thanks for the Tuesday comedy! I needed that!
ReplyDeletehilarious! thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteFour abreast officer??? I'm sorry I'm a biker and can only count to two.....
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is when someone says that we can turn here and it will only add another 5 miles. They all lie! Without fail that always turns a 30 mile ride into a 50 and a 50 into a century!
ReplyDeleteSo on the money! Lots of closet training going on out there, all the time. I think I have never done that much, though, b/c I really do like to save my big efforts for races, not leave it on a training ride/run.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I make all of my training public, but most of my friends do secret training and it ticks me off!
ReplyDeleteFunny!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line at school when a kid has an awesome run is "When did you start doing those secret training runs?" It always brings such a smile to their faces.
LOL! This is awesome! I think I am with you, I secret train but not sandbag. BUT I am bad about telling people that things are not that hilly and it turns out that they think they are hilly (but I think it is more rolling). So maybe I unintentionally sandbag a little bit that way.
ReplyDeletethat is awesome! thanks for sharing that one! Cheers
ReplyDeleteThat is soooo funny. And true!!
ReplyDeletehaha too funny. i need to do some secret training bc ryan is catching up to me!!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! I'm showing that to my husband tonight! Ha ha! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post. It made me laugh. I had to see which of these I've said :)
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely hysterical. I'm guilty of a few of these.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is "custom-made in Tuscany and blessed by the Pope." Maybe it is the Italian in me.
What a great list!
ReplyDeletehilarious and so true.. def not me though... i have no reason to fake the funk...
ReplyDeletehahahahaha...that's awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG, these are hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteI've seen similar ones but not these. I don't think I'm a sand bagger but some may disagree ;-)
Oh my goodness, this is so funny:)
ReplyDeleteI just read that you were the first girl to rock Jeff's 100 push-up challenge!! Congrats to you:) Respect is what I have for you! This flipping contest is the hardest thing that I have ever done...hands down!! Nice work!